Blessing What Feels Broken
Widening the circle of belonging
The name of this newsletter is “Everything Belongs”-a phrase that emerged several years ago as a mantra of love that I began offering to myself during an intense period of loss, healing and change. A remembrance of belonging and radical homecoming within myself.
As I experienced several major losses including the deaths of family members, I was surprised by the way one grief seemed to excavate hidden, forgotten, quiet sorrows.
Grief often arrives as a russian nesting doll-there is the outermost loss that is easily visible and might appear the largest. Yet, within that are hidden layers upon layers of sorrow big and small. What begins as one obvious aspect of grief, slowly reveals the more subtle, unspoken, forgotten, tender griefs-tucked away in the farthest corner of the heart.
As I slowly (and I mean slowly as in for many years and still ongoing) made my way through the accumulated and unattended losses held in my body-mind-heart, I became aware of the many parts of myself I was grieving.
Attuning to these long-lost parts became a practice of compassion, “Everything belongs” a ballad of belonging to all of the exiled and outcast parts. A love song reverberating out to the farthest corners of my heart.
Yes-this belongs. And this, And this. And even this.
An expansion of the circle of welcome, more of me slowly courted back home into the warmth of love and care. The shameful, afraid, abandoned, messy, sensitive, playful, sensual, creative, needy, weird, intense, witchy and wild parts.
Francis Weller calls the grief associated with the loss of our outcast parts- The 2nd Gate of Grief: The Parts of Us Who Have Not Known Love. The sense of loss we experience because we had to exile certain aspects of ourselves to adapt to our family, culture, and the oppressive systems we live in.
This can be an immense loss for many of us, including myself, one that is not easily named or felt. The grieving of these parts becomes an important aspect of the welcoming home-we grieve what we love and care about.
Our grief for what feels broken, expands into love for what was lost and becomes the medicine needed to alchemize shame into belonging.
For me this has been a long slow path of building a relationship with these parts or aspects of myself. Establishing trust and believing that these parts matter. Listening to the stories, emotions and sensations these parts carry that are stored in my body-mind-heart. Allowing the grief, rage, shame and fear to move through.
As I grow in intimacy to the cleaved off shards of my psychic life, I recognize the gifts concealed in what I thought was the rubble. Gently gathering up the bits and pieces, holding them close with reverence and kindness.
Blessing what feels broken.
When I approach my inner world in this way I discover the beauty and sacredness present in the outcast ones. In those hidden fragments of my life that remained tucked away deep inside the caverns of my heart lies an essence so tender and true. The vulnerability of being human, finite, fragile and frail. Glennon Doyle calls it “the ache.” To be human is to carry the ache and yet we hide it away from ourselves and each other.
When I am facilitating grief circles people arrive carrying a vast array of losses, from the death of loved ones to relationship loss to griefs that are hard to even name. And typically, participants also arrive carrying the shame of feeling broken, alone, isolated or wrong in some way as they grieve1. As people are held in the loving container of our sacred circle and are witnessed in their losses, something magical happens.
The ache of being human becomes SO very clear-we each carry this within us.
The beauty and goodness of being human becomes SO very clear-we each carry this within us as well.
With our care and presence, we bless what feels broken in ourselves and each other. We reveal ourselves more fully to one another. We widen the circle of belonging.
If we are going to find each other in the Long Dark, we must also know how to find ourselves. To reach into our depths, calling back and repairing the disconnection, separation and isolation within. From this place, we may begin to expand out into wider circles of belonging with one another-even those we may see as the “other” or “bad” or “broken.”
Blessing what feels broken.
Welcoming home each and every part and piece of ourselves
Forgetting and remembering.
Again and again and again.
Virtual Community Grief Tending Circle
Join me Thursday March 5th for a monthly 75 minute grief tending circle on Zoom.
An opportunity to companion yourself and one another through the universal experience of grief and loss
Each circle includes:
Introduction and group sharing guidelines.
A guided centering meditation to explore how grief and loss is being experienced in your body, heart and mind.
Individual time for journaling/self-reflection, drawing, or moving.
A sharing circle where you can be deeply listened to while also deeply listening to others.
Closing ritual and integration practice
This circle is free to paid subscribers of Everything Belongs and otherwise offered by tiered payment options of $15/20/25.
Find out more HERE and register
This feeling is very often directly related to the overculture we live in that is grief and death phobic and the soul severing systems of Empire that disconnect us from the support needed to grieve regularly and communally. I have LOTS more to say on this so stay tuned for further essays on the topic. Holly Truhlar recently wrote a great essay on this topic.